What I Hate About Breastfeeding

Yes, breastfed babies are the healthiest. It is without question the most safe and most recommended milk for babies 6 months and below. But just to be honest and clear, even if I had a smooth breastfeeding journey, I would be lying if there are things that I don’t hate about it.

Breastfed babies are too independent with their mothers because they have the boob. Mothers often feel guilty about leaving the house because babies tend to get too attached to their mothers. They’d either cry when left with the yayas or won’t drink milk from the bottle. Some mothers even get depressed because of it. Breastfeeding mothers are put in a lot of pressure. They always say that it takes a lot of patience and perseverance to succeed in breastfeeding.

Right now, the twins are at the stage where they rely on the boob when sleeping at night. Sometimes, even during their nap times. Because they are too dependent with the boob, I can’t put them down to sleep without tandem feeding. Gone are the days when one twin latches first, my husband gets to rock that twin to sleep, and then I’d get to latch the other twin until he fell asleep. They don’t want to be rocked to sleep anymore that my husband feels like he no longer has a purpose. He feels useless at times. I always have to remind him that he isn’t.

Just like tonight, we started tandem feeding by 6.30pm and it was only at 8pm when they really felt sleepy. I was so tired already because they keep latching, then playing, then latch again, then play again, and then cry some, and then latch again. It felt like a never ending cycle. Their energy at this age is soooo uncomparable.

Yes, a huge struggle of a breastfeeding momma. And at this time, I think I needed some wine. 😪


Prioritizing Family

Ever since I came back from work from my maternity leave last February, I worked very hard. Not only was the role I came back for was a different one, it was also the most challenging and the most demanding. I sort of even asked myself hundreds of times if this role was right for me, if it came too soon or if I was even fit for the role.

It was my first lead position and right now, we are a small team of 7. We worked hard to establish our clients trust and also took time to learn all the new technologies, terminologies, the flow of what we do and how to effectively support on our role as L2. And I am telling you, it wasn’t easy. Aside from the stress at work, I am dealing with twins at home. I remember my first night of going to work on a night shift, I cried on my commute because of separation anxiety and the guilt of leaving my twins to my husband and his aunt alone. I felt the same feeling even up to today but the crying has stopped and I kind of learned how to adjust and to trust my husband and my yayas about it.

When you’re a breastfeeding mom, it becomes hardest once you come back to work. Breastfed babies are very clingy to their mothers, not just an experience for me but also from my fellow breastfeeding mommy friends. They always look for the boob. I felt really bad for my husband whenever they look for me instead of him because yes, I have the boob. So its hardest when you leave for nightshift and they’re not yet asleep. You feel the pressure of putting them to bed early so you can leave once they are already asleep from latching on the boob. Less guilt when leaving homr because less to worry about. But once they wake up in the middle of the night, my husband tells me that they usually cry and looking for me. My heart hurts whenever he says that.

And so for the past 9 months I have been working hard with our new team, sometimes, even prioritizing it before my family. However today, yaya Joy has left for a vacation back to her hometown. Then a week after that, yaya Krisy will also have her own vacation. So our family is crippled when it comes to taking care of the twins and also with housework. I have filed a lot of days off from work to prioritize family this time. However, why do I feel guilty about it or the thought of how other people view my reasons of taking a long vacation? I feel like it’s one of the cons of being a team lead because you constantly worry about work almost 24/7 (add to that the shifting schedule). I also constantly need to remind myself to trust my team and their skills and that I shouldn’t be too worried. Which is also a reminder to tell myself that I am not a superwoman and cannot do both at the same time.

Ah, the problems of a working momma. It’s time to prioritize family. Just a few days from work and I’ll be able to cherish and enjoy December with the twins and my husband. ❤️

Nate and Naya Turns One!

It’s official, my twins are already a year old! Nayj and I also have a badge of honor for parenting twins for a year. Woohooo! But seriously, it really felt such a great accomplishment for both of us. And lastly, aside from my mommy-versary, happy breastfeeding anniversary to me as well! I know I mix feed them every now and then but breastfeeding twins is such hard work. So congratulations to me!

Last Sunday, November 12th, Nate and Naya were baptized at Ellinwood Malate Church during the 7AM service. It was Pastor Caloy who baptized them and with us are our most closest friends as their godparents. We decided that they both have the same godparents as we don’t really see any reasons why we have to separate them. They’re grow up together always anyway. Ladies and gentlemen, here are Nate and Naya’s godparents!

After the service, their first birthday party awaits at Shakeys Pizza at Bonifacio Stopover. It was a happy, energetic, packed and such a well loved birthday celebration. I wanted it to be simple with the people who love the twins the most. We were happy that the guests enjoyed, especially those who participated on the games. Shakeys card as the prize, FTW!

It was very low key but overall, the main point is to celebrate the twins’ first year. I was very glad that a lot of people stayed until the end of the party. Some lucky ones even got to take home a few boxes of extra pizza. I also got their cake from one of my online friends way back Multiply days who also bakes.

We also took the opportunity to thank our yayas who helped us with raising both Nate and Naya since their third month up to today with a little token of appreciation. Thank you Joy and Kristy for being hardworking and for loving the twins. Can’t thank you both enough.

Now, I’m already thinking where to celebrate their second birthday but more of celebrating with just us as a family. Hoping to go back to Boracay Island with the twins this time. I miss that place.

Enjoy the rest of the pictures!

How to Survive the First Year with Twins

In just a few days, the twins will be turning one. Surviving our first year with twins is a huge milestone for Nayj and myself, especially since we are first time parents as well. However, if you have twins or if you plan to have one (I wonder how you plan that, it just happens!), here are tips that I can share with you.

  1. Find spiritual and mental support. I am not really sure if I experienced post-partum depression but I felt sad, missing my old self, overwhelmed, had a couple of tears, felt insecure and had the feeling of guilt during the first few months after the twins were born. My mother and Nayj’s parents were out of the country but they offered so much support through our FB Messenger/Viber sessions, our titas has offered a lot of help on taking care of them when they were available. Ama and a lot of our friends has also given us visits to ask how we were doing. I guess we are surrounded by a lot of people who love us and love the twins even more. I think the most difficult part is that we are the only parents with twins in our circle so it was hard to find someone you can relate to. I think I have followed more than five accounts in Instagram who are twin parents with the same age as Nate and Naya so I can compare or take notes on what I should expect with my twins.
  2. If you can afford it, hire a nanny/yaya/helper. Especially if you are working, you’d be needing this a lot. A set of extra hands lifts a huge load on your shoulders, let alone two. If you know your nannies very well, you are lucky to leave them alone with your twins at home but if not, make sure someone is with them at home to supervise. Hiring someone who’s already a mom is a plus because they can assist you with taking care of your little one, they’d know what to do on certain situations where you have no clue. However, every decision is still yours. Make sure they are clear of their working loads/responsibilities. Ours are yayas and all around helpers, but I always reiterate that the twins are their priorities before anything else.
  3. Do not compare your twins to singleton babies. Their milestones are different from singleton babies and even if they are twins, their milestones are still different from each other. Expect your twins to be delayed for a month with everything such as weight, teething, crawling or walking. They will learn these when they are ready, just wait for it.
  4. If you want to be practical, don’t always buy two. You might have that impression that because you have two, you need to buy two of each. However, it’s not always like that on all situations. They can share a lot of things – crib, toys, and clothes (for pambahays, always buy unisex colors/prints). But also consider their hygiene so things like towels, shoes, socks, aspirators or droppers should always be one of each.
  5. Breastfeeding twins is hard-work. Do not pressure yourself on exclusively breastfeeding twins when your supply can’t. Twins require double everything – especially on milk! I am lucky to be producing almost enough milk (I hardly buy formula – maybe only 500g per 2 months), but if you don’t, please do not stress yourself and buy formula if you need to. The most important thing is that your babies are fed and they are not hungry. I also need to warn you when they start on that phase where they both want to nurse at the same time. You need to be ready. So train yourself to tandem feed early on so you’ll have no issues doing that when they reach a year old. It’ll get easier because once they can lift themselves up, they’d just look for your boob and latch by themselves. It’s not comfortable though.
  6. Assure your husband’s role on raising twins. Make sure that your husband is always involved with the twins. There are times when both twins are mommy-clingy and your husband might feel rejected by his babies. Let him know that it’s okay, and make your twins spend a lot of time with him also. With our case, Naya prefers his dad rock her to sleep at night. She doesn’t want being cradled in my arms. Nathan always wants to latch at night before he sleeps. Also, make time for dates when your have someone at home to take care of the twins. You’ll be needing the “alone time”.
  7. Make time for yourself. This is the hardest during the early months because you’ll feel guilty leaving them at home for a long time. However, you need a time-off, to make yourself feel like yourself again. A retail therapy, a facial, a mani/pedi and some coffee alone time is always a good idea. Even just twice a month if you’re too busy, that will help you a lot.

Most importantly, embrace your twins’ attention early on. When taking twins out, they are always instant celebrities. Don’t keep them from anyone’s attention, learn to answer the same questions over and over again and wear them proud. They are yours, yours only to keep and they are only babies and toddlers for a short time. I hope these helps your plan (or unplanned) road to twins. Goodluck! 🙂

Parenting is Not For the Faint of Heart

Well, especially for twins. I’ve been going on and on about how overwhelming it was to be a first time parent to twins. Nayj and I still had a lot to learn and there are times when we feel like its not enough if we are raising twins with just the both of us.

Nowadays, getting them to sleep is a struggle. Sure, breast is best but on this phase of my breastfeeding journey, breast sure is tortured when both of your twins prefer to use it as their pacificer. At. The. Same. Time. When one twin nurses and the other twin sees it, that other twin would want to nurse too. Or else, they’ll cry. They are also especially clingy at night for a couple of weeks now that I feel like when I go back to night shift, the struggle is real again to put them to sleep without me. I sure am not ready for things to come.

Nayj and I have been missing out on the part where you want to spend your family time with just yourselves and without your yayas. Sometimes I wish I can experience that when I see couples in the mall with just one baby and handling it all by themselves. I booked a staycation on the eve of their birthday and I was hoping that by that time, we can spend it as a family alone. However, I realized, it is not easy as we think. Living at home with two babies is not a walk in the park. There are moms who can do this and I salute them 100% but how I wish I am that hands on. I worked right after their third month so I admit that there are tasks on their upbringing that I no longer do when we hired two yayas. I don’t prepare their food, I don’t bathe them or give them their vitamins. I only prepare what clothes they will wear but everything are done by the yayas from the diapers, to their baon, their bottles of water, and all the reminders of things I have not prepared yet. Nayj and I can’t do it with just ourselves when we are out. That’s why I also give credit to both of our yayas when taking care of our twins as they have contributed a lot on their first year. Sure, the cost of hiring two yayas are so expensive but the extra pair of hands are very helpful.

Sometimes, Nayj and I also quarrel when both twins throw a tantrum or when we are both tired. Nowadays, they prefer to walk while holding your hand and it gets draining. They even want to go up and down the stairs with you for a few consecutive times! I honestly don’t know where they get their energy. Or they just want to go around the house. For us as working parents, even when you’re tired at work, we still want to spend time with them and I know they are also looking forward to spend time with us before they sleep for the night. When I work nights, I don’t think I even get a decent sleep in the morning because I constantly wake up when I hear them cry.

I sometimes consider us as super parents because of the twins. It feels like being a parent of a singleton baby has always been so easy because of how weve been raising the twins for almost a year. But I can’t say that yet. I am not sure if we’re already on that level. We’re trying though! Parenting twins sure takes a village and we are always thankful for people who are willing to help even with the smallest of things. It’s not for the faint of heart, it’s not an easy task but personally, it is the most rewarding when you see your babies smile and get all excited when seeing you coming home from work. Time flies, in a couple of days, they’ll be turning a year old and they’re not babies anymore (huhu). Seeing them grow up is an achievement that I’ll forever be proud of. I won’t ever get tired on telling people, “Yup, those are my twins,” with my head held up high.

God Prepares Those He Calls

Do I feel overwhelmed? Yes. Do I still have a lot of things to learn? Yes. Am I new at this? Very. Do I deserve it? Of course! Will I quit? No.

As my friend told me today, God prepares those He calls. It’s a prep for me for something big. For me to be stronger, wiser and more equipped. Hence, I shall proudly wear this hat and own it. ❤️

When Your Babies are Now Toddlers

Ika nga ng isang kanta ng Hale, “Isang iglap, isang taon..,” This actually came in the radio the other day and while I was singing that line, I was singing it with a ‘sobbing’ tone because it really is true when you have babies. My babies are now toddlers. They are turning one in two weeks!

So, to be honest, you want to know how it feels like? It’s a mixed emotion of being sad and happy and accomplished all at the same time. I feel sad because I miss them being a baby, when all they do is sleep and coo and nurse. However, because twins are not sleep-friendly when they were babies, I can’t wait for them to grow up. And now here they are, they are big boy and big girl already (but we’re still puyat). They are almost 9kg now and whenever I carry them for long periods of time, my arms and back hurts even with our Boba carriers.

We were strolling in the mall the other day and they can now walk while holding our hands. It was so cute to see. It gets tiring though but seeing them explore the surroundings and people watch is such a pretty good sight. Can I say, “I can’t wait for them to walk on their own?” or is that a “Be careful what you wish for” statement? I mean some parents say its more tiring when they’re already walking and running. I guess with twins, the less fragile they are, the less harder it is to take care of them.

Nayj and I decided to celebrate their first birthday at Shakeys Stopover. We both wanted a hassle-free birthday planning for Nate and Naya so we opt to have it on a restaurant where everything’s there rather than having a catered birthday wherein its as if er’re planning a wedding agaom. Also, budget-wise, we cannot really afford it. Plus, we prefer a simple celebration where the people who are very important for Nate and Naya are there to celebrate with us. It’s a challenge to short-list 100 people especially with both of our families, plus our friends from all our circles – high school, college friends and officemates. I still have two weeks to prepare!

I also came across an Instagram post of one of the twin mommas I’m following. Her twins are also like the same age as Nate and Naya. She said that she likes their age now but also looking forward to that day when you pick them up from school and ask them how their days went and they can actually answer you already. That exact scene already makes me cry when I think about it. But really, I can’t wait to witness how they’ll grow up.

My breastfeeding journey is also turning one. I felt like I have so much accomplishments in a year because of being a mother. To my husband, yes, we made it! We are parents of twins for a year now. I know we still have a long way to go, but still, that’s an accomplishment. Ever wondered how we handled being first time parents, and being first time parents to twins? Well, we can’t imagine how the year has gone by. We shared the tears, the frustration, the smiles and of course, all the laughter with their different antics at this young age. We can’t wait to celebrate their first birthday.

I hope my readers and followers are excited as we are, too.