Do you feel the same way, mama?
Are you one of those working mom of toddlers who dread the idea of “work from home” the moment you heard it? Because you can’t really imagine how you can squeeze in work at home.
Are you one of those moms who felt robbed of their personal time?
Do you miss the old normal?
Do you sometimes feel sad and just out of the blue feel such a heavy feeling that all you wanted to do was cry?
I’m sure I’m not the only one.
I still remember that weekend when we were told at work that we can already work from home. I was not ecstatic about it. My husband was happy because he won’t be worried anymore whenever I leave the house in the morning because of the pandemic. My colleagues kept reminding me that at least I got to spend more time at home with my kids. Well, actually that is my worry. My first thought was, how can I work at home? I have two 3-year olds.
If you are a mom of very young kids below 5 years old, you’ll understand the need of going out of the house just to stay sane. I have a yaya who has been with me since the twins are 3 months old and I am very lucky that she’s here. Nayj and I can lock our doors so we can work and she can look after the kids. But because I am home, I still try to help her out as much as I can because she does everything else in the house. Since quarantine started, on top of my daily work, I am now involved in the twins’ breakfast, putting them to naps after lunch, and allowing them in our room by 4.30-6pm until I am done with work.
Are you like me that even if there are other people in the house, you are still the “go to” mom? They want you to feed them, take them to bath, brush their teeth, wash their poo or even just play with them. Their constant request puts a lot of pressure on you as a parent. This, on top of my 8.30am-6pm work.
Being on quarantine with very young kids is hard especially when you have clingy little kids. My sanity as a working mom includes that breather from 6am by the time we leave home to go to the office until 8pm when we arrive and see the twins again. Those are my personal time – yes, on top of work – where I can also spend time with my colleagues and have adult conversations. This personal time helped me feel better and miss being a parent again. By the time I arrive home, I gladly meet and play with them no matter how tired I am. My only chore was to put them to sleep and I am not a hot-headed monster mom. These past few days, I am really starting to lose my patience. My personal time – my “me time” – has been lost. And I am not sure when I can have that again.
Thinking about this makes me feel like I am a bad mom. But then I realized that I need to put myself first so that I can take care of other people. There are times when I feel anxious and sad about this pandemic and the loneliness of being just inside the house takes a toll on me. I try so hard to be productive at work – emphasis on the word “try” to be honest. I want to teach my 3-year olds but I just don’t have the energy to do it. Once I am off work, that’s the only time I have for myself, I don’t want to squeeze in another task. Call me lazy but this keeps my mind on rest and recover.
Over the quarantine I felt happiness over working out. I’ve been doing these even before but not as frequent as now. I saw these on a lot of IG and FB feeds of my friends and asked myself, why not post my workouts too? I was shy at first but then a 2-4 of my friends messaged me and told me they got inspired by it. That was enough for me, so I continued it. Working out makes me happy and this was my new “me time”. An hour for myself without kids around (well, sometimes). An hour to not think about anybody but myself. This made me less lonely, but I still get grumpy over super active toddlers though. LOL.
I also found happiness in putting on makeup at least twice a week. I missed going out, getting ready and dressing up. I missed posting my #NessaWore series. How I wish I can still do it if not for the hot weather at home where the only comfortable work clothes is a shirt and a pair of shorts. My ukulele covers during work breaks makes the work bearable and made me function well. It’s a breather for all the work calls and updates I have to do once in while. And did I tell you I started baking again? I am not a pro but “trying” it again.
My mom told me to focus on things I can control. Now that ECQ has been extended, there’s nothing we can do but stay at home. I learned to continue whatever makes me happy and treasure the time I have with kids rather than dread it. It’s okay not to be okay and just take a break if you really need it. We’re all just humans trying to survive. I am blessed that all my family are safe. I am still thankful that I have work and that I still have my monthly salary. I am thankful for my husband who can function really well in either grocery shopping or palengke trips. I just can’t wait for this pandemic to be over – even if we don’t really know when that will be.
I miss seeing my family over the weekend. I miss going to the mall to just stroll, watch a movie or just have an hour of coffee. I miss hanging out with my friends at work. I just have to remind myself that I can do all these again – maybe not the same way as we did way back but, it still can happen. I just have to wait and be still and thank God.