That Sudden Change in Schedule

My schedule at work has changed recently as we started our transition or training with our Pune counterparts. For the longest time since I went back to work from my maternity leave, I am already home by 5PM. The twins are usually asleep between 7-8PM and would wake up again by 9PM or 12MN then 3AM for feeding. Nayj and I would start to get ready for work by 4AM. It has been like this for a month already which has been a routine for us and our twins. However, last Tuesday, I went on a different schedule – 11AM – 8PM. And its going to be like this for a whole month.

It was challenging but I am slowly managing my time at home and at work. After their 3-4AM feeding, I play with them for a little while and then I give the twins to the yayas. They’ll either sleep again or play while I take half an hour or two hour nap. I wake up around 6.30AM for breakfast then feed them between 7AM-8AM. I start to get ready for work and leave the house before 9AM. It was convenient that there’s an Ortigas-bound van in All Home in Daang Hari that drops passengers to Market Market so my commute isn’t a hassle. Around 10-10.30AM, I am already in the office.

I have been power-pumping at work. I don’t really follow a strict schedule but I make sure I pump by the time I get to the office, after taking lunch, before the scheduled KT and after. I think it’s all 2-3hrs interval. By the time our last KT finishes at 7.30pm, I leave the office like a flash. I hurry home to make sure that I am back before one of them wakes up for their next feeding. I want to keep my milk stash abundant for emergency purposes, and with twins, keeping a huge milk stash would take a lot of work. Its not like you have two boobs for each baby, unlike a singleton baby. So if I can nurse them as much as I can, I would so I keep the frozen milk for next day’s use. I am so grateful that one of my colleagues, Aubrey, can sometimes give me extra milk. Other than that, I’m on my own. 

This new schedule is a huge challenge for a breastfeeding mom like me whose babies are just four months old. They still wake up in the middle of the night to feed. Though I am used to it already, I’m still waiting for that time that they’ll sleep through the night so it won’t be much of a hassle with their father and yayas when I start to work on night shift. Sometimes, they’d message me if I’m close at home when Naya’s already up and crying. They’ll consult me if they should start to thaw breastmilk or if they can wait for me. So far, I am on time for their next feeding. It’s like a buzzer beater whenever I drive home. I even prioritize latching them than getting dressed, still with my office clothes on. And oh, I started tandem feeding them again. It’s been my second consecutive 9PM tandem feeding last night. Even I am amazed with my own dedication and I hope I can keep this up for as long as I can.

I am getting used to it. It’s Friday and it has been a week since I started this new schedule. It’s definitely working but I admit that its harder. But you gotta do what you gotta do. That’s what working mommas do. Can I call myself a super mom now? πŸ‘©πŸ»β€πŸ’Ό


Professional vs Personal Success

How do you see yourself 5 years from now? A question that mostly every job opening asks their employees who were up for their interview. If I was asked this question 5 years ago, single, no kids yet, I would say, “I see myself leading my own team, making a huge change in the world.” And fortunately, with God’s blessing and guidance, I am now a team lead at work.

Being one is quite challenging after knowing the expectations of the new team we are starting. After meeting my team members, most of them even left as team lead in their previous work so that was double the pressure on me! We huddled up last week to share our work experiences and were amazed with their skills, as well as their confidence. I am sure I’ll be learning more from them, too. I was very honest about my strengh and weakness, shared where I am good at and where I am not. I don’t want to be a boss, but be seen as a leader. That was what I was taught for for the past 7 years of my previous team. I want to apply the same principle and practice to my current team.

After my call with our Pune counterparts last week, I realized we’ll have busy days ahead of us. Mixed schedules, maybe lesser time to pump, there will be days when we’d go home late as we’ll follow India hours and soon, we’ll be on nightshift. And that made me thought about one thing: why did I agree to take this role? Would I rather be just a team member and be on my comfort zone, a schedule where I’m familiar with and have less responsibilities? These are the thoughts that has been running in my head this morning. 

One of the factors on why I was thinking about this was because I wanted to have more time with my twins, than spending hours here at work. When you’re a mom, your priorities are different now. Which made me think, do I prioritize my personal or my professional success? Why do I feel this way? Why do I feel like leaving them for more than 8 hours a day made me look like a bad mom? Why do I feel selfish when I think about my career? And then I realized, I am getting too hard on myself.

I had a short chat about this with my husband when we were having our breakfast. And at the end, I realized I should be thinking about the long term. Sure, things are challenging now since responsibilities are piling up, there are new things that I have to learn every day, people that I have to mentor and there will be days when I have to stay a few hours longer in the office. I am not familiar about this new role I’m taking up and being scared about it is normal. A part of me wants to go back to my comfort zone and leave all this behind. But that doesn’t challenge me anymore. I mean, if it doesn’t scare me, then my dreams aren’t big enough right? I am in the stage of chickening out but I have to prove that I can do this. I have to work hard and prove that they chose the right person to lead this team. 

So, professional or personal success? Well, why not both? One thing’s for sure, the road ahead won’t be easy but I know that I have my husband to reach out to when things starts to get hectic and stressful. Stress can lessen milk supply so I even asked him, “If my milk supply lessened, open tayo for them to take formula ha? Ang hirao ma-pressure.” He’s with me on this and it’s an assurance that he’ll forever have my support. Aside from my husband, I have twins at home that I’ll look forward to when I get home. I mean, who wouldn’t be excited to see them everyday? πŸ™‚

I have a mother who’s also a career woman, which I think I got all these ideas from. She was able to raise us and have a very good and stable career so why can’t I? 

Lord, I know you wouldn’t give me a huge responsibility that I couldn’t handle. As early as now, I’m claiming this. I am going to lead this team with confidence and our counterparts would be happy about it. I am going to be a great mother to my children, a loving wife to my husband and I won’t forget about loving and taking care of myself. I can do this with Your help and I know that you have already blessed me. I give all the Glory to You. Amen.

As The Twins Turned Four Months

My journey to Nate and Naya’s fourth month was a long one. Along with this, I experienced a few challenges at home, my health and at work.

One of these is that they are still not sleeping through the night. They still wake up in the middle of the night to nurse and since I no longer tandem feed, it’s harder for twins. They wake up in different hours to nurse and its still a mixed pattern. My longest sleep is at 3 hours max but that barely happens. Now that they reached their fourth month, I do hope their sleep pattern changes and would slowly adapt ours. 

I don’t see them as small babies. Rather, I see their weight and height as normal. So when people ask how old they are, they are usually surprised and assume they are younger than they really are. When they were three month old, an old couple even thought they were newborns or only a month old. I wonder why…

Two weeks ago, I had amoebiasis which caused LBM and vomiting almost the entire day. I felt so sick, awful and dehydrated. I asked Nayj to take me to the ER as I don’t feel good at all. During my whole stay at the hospital, I thought about them a lot. I realized how hard it is for a breastfeeding mom to get hospitalized as you have to pump constantly even if you want to sleep longer. And of course, I missed my twins and was always worried about them. Good thing I got discharged after two days and I felt better, then I was able to nurse them immediately. 

Pumping milk at work requires huge effort especially when things starts to get busy. I am about to take a lead role at work and since we are still in onboarding process, we don’t have a schedule yet. So currently, I can pump whenever I want, frequently as every 2-3 hours as possible. I do hope I can keep it constant to keep my milk supply. When things start to get busy, I think I may have to schedule my pumping sessions especially when I have meetings or important calls.

Last week was quite busy at home and at work and it looks like a preview of what it’ll be in the coming months. We had a client in the office this week so I didn’t have my usual schedule. Nayj went to work at 6am, while mine was at 11am. It was my first time to stay out of the house beyond 5pm since I started working. They were already asleep by 9pm by the time we got home. And then the next day, it was their scheduled vaccine at the health center. We finished by 10am then Nayj and I had to leave immediately for work for the rest of the day. We felt really bad on leaving them at home as they had sinat that afternoon due to the vaccines. By Saturday, we had pedia checkup for their fourth month and then attended a wedding yesterday. We didn’t bring the twins due to the number of seats RSVP’d, and also because they are still too young to bring for such events. I also thought of how I could breastfeed them knowing I’m one of the secondary sponsors and my dress isn’t exactly nursing friendly. I also have another wedding to attend next week and would be having the same scenario. Thinking about weddings made me thinking about when my kids would be part of the entourage – flower girl and ring bearer perhaps? Soon enough… 😍

Twin Parents

I know that fellow twin parents would agree with me on this. Each time you bring the twins out, anywhere you go, any time of day, they’d be instant celebrities. Everyone are in awe of twins. I mean, who wouldn’t? They are one of God’s miraculous creations and the science of how they are conceived are still amazing to me.

If you are one of those who believe in pamahiins, you’d always tell yourself na “sana wag mausog” everytime someone would take notice of how healthy and cute your twins are. For me, I take these compliments and say a thank you. I am proud of how my twins are growing up and very much proud when people take notice of them every time.

Being a twin parent is a very challenging role that I have ever experienced. Given that I will be a team lead at work in a few weeks, I still believe being a twin mother would be harder. I really thought I was handling everything so well until I realized that during the early months, I think I was close to or even experiencing post-partum depression. I thought about it before but I shook off the idea, much like I am in denial that I am experiencing depression. There were nights when I cry when I barely get sleep, there are days when I get sad thoughts whenever I can’t make one of the twins sleep, there are days when I just want to leave the house, take my mind off of being a mother, but thankfully, out of all negative thoughts that I might have, I didn’t even thought of hurting my babies. It’s good to have a support system and with my Christian friends and Christian up bringing, I relied on prayer to take things easy, to calm myself and to shake all the negativity off.


I read various blogs about being a mother, the milestones of babies, breastfeeding, bottle feeding, twin babies, parenting, etc. All are to assure myself that I’m doing something right, to check if some mothers feel the same way, and if I am being a good parent. There’s pressure, no doubt, on being a good parent these days especially in the world of social media. Good thing I am not a celebrity so I don’t see any “judgy” comments on my newsfeed but I always have that hint of jealousy when I see parents who seems like they’ve figured everything out. And the most envious post of all is when their little ones can sleep through the night. I still wonder when would my twins do that. 

They are still on that stage when they’re unpredictable. There are days when everything is so calming, they barely cried, no stress and I had at least a decent sleep. And when I say decent, I meant I had 3 hours the most. And then there were days when they’re so fussy, you can’t figure out how to calm them, it takes an hour before they feel the need to sleep and I got an hour max of sleep. But of course, every difficult day would always be replaced by their beautiful and handsome smiles, their ability to respond with you with whatever language they prefer, and their soothing faces whenever they latch at night.

Being a twin parent is incomparable. The hardest, the most complicated but I wouldn’t have it any other way. I can’t wait to watch them as they grow and see how we are as a family. I am always thankful of Nayj as my husband who never fails to help me put them to sleep when I am already tired, to assure that I am doing enough, his funny banters just to make them smile, he’s the sweetest.

We’ll do everything just to make this twin parenting journey at ease.